Sometimes we lie to ourselves because we do not want to face reality, or the truth is too unbearable. This happens a lot in relationships.
The way you lie and make excuses for your partner, and how often you do it, can be a sure sign that your relationship is sliding " or even that the end is near.
Relationship experts say it is quite common for people to make excuses for their significant others when things are not going well. But why do we do it?
There are many reasons. Some people avoid the truth for fear of rocking the boat. Breaking up to start a new life is too inconvenient for them, not to mention scary. Sometimes, we stick around in fear of becoming single again. Or maybe it is love, because you cannot see your life with someone else. Sometimes, you could be in denial, or lying is a defence mechanism to prevent the truth from hurting.
Whatever the reason, it often boils down to not wanting to end a relationship in which we have invested so much love and effort.
Ignoring that your partner is not reciprocating because they no longer love you, or veiling the harsh reality that your relationship is doomed, is not going to make the problem go away.
Do not fool yourself by saying "they are just going through some tough time" when they are clearly not investing as much effort as you are. A relationship is like a set of scales; if one side is putting in a lot more than the other, it is bound to tip and collapse. A strong relationship should be a balanced investment from both sides in terms of emotional and physical input.
This balanced input goes a long way in maintaining a stable and loving partnership. And obviously there needs to be a sustained interest between two partners.
A lack of interest in one another's life is common in a faulty relationship. Why stay with someone who treats you like a friend or flatmate? If your partner has stopped being curious about your life or stopped sharing theirs with you, don't just cover up the problem.
Other common excuses people use to plaster over relationship problems are "they are just too exhausted from work" or "they are too stressed at the moment". They might be feeling the pressure at work but if they continue to put their job first and your relationship on the back burner, you already know that they do not really care. Remember, it has to be a 50-50 investment.
Another symptom is when daily communication recedes. Don't write that off as insignificant by saying your partner is just too busy. If they truly care then they can always find time to make a quick call or text. If someone loves you and wants you in their life, they would enjoy keeping frequent contact with you. So do not make excuses for them.
Stop saying that because you love them you will let them change at their own pace, and in their own way. If you love them and cherish what the two of you have then you must act swiftly before it is too late.
If things have gone too far down the road and there is nothing you can do to revive your ailing relationship, you are better off going your separate ways, no matter how much it might hurt.
Objectively speaking, you should not want to waste your time, emotional energy, love and everything else for somebody who isn't committed to sharing a life with you. They are not worth your while. You deserve better, if not the best.
A wise man once told me most life problems can be resolved by following this four-step principle: "face it, accept it, handle it, then let go."
Luisa Tam is a senior editor at the Post
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