- A dozen ‘dates’ in a single evening, that last only 10 to 15 minutes in casual conversation, makes for an enjoyable and stress-free experience
- Today you can even speed date via video link in the comfort of your own home
Given the abundance of dating apps readily available at our fingertips, dating is still stressful due to its unpredictability. Plus, the added uncertainty of meeting someone online can cause anxiety, as there's always the added risk that people aren't who they say they are.
Many of those who find dating apps lack the human touch might find speed dating a more amiable alternative for a number of reasons.
For starters, speed and efficiency are the key elements; one can go on a dozen "dates" in a single evening during which they can spend just 10 to 15 minutes in a casual conversation with each potential candidate. For that reason alone, it suits the hectic lives of today's busy professionals.
Another advantage is that these dating events could be both interesting and productive. You can enjoy a night out meeting fun people or making new friends and contacts by expanding your social network, even if you do not end up finding a romantic interest.
One other positive point is that with such short and brief conversations, you can be spared from a lot of awkward moments. It also gives you the chance to enjoy multiple conversations with potential matches, whom you otherwise wouldn't be able to meet.
Despite the many pluses, speed dating can have its downsides which begs the question: is it really worth it? Sadly, maybe not all the time. In some cases, it might just be a total waste of time and energy because you will still have to look presentable, turn up at a venue, and engage in small talk all evening that could lead to nothing.
Meanwhile, for those who dare to take a chance at speed dating, some still find themselves up against obstacles and inexplicable fears that make them reluctant to participate in it, according to Jacqueline Chia, co-founder of matchmaking service Meet Mozaic.
Problems include the fear of the unknown, fear that there will not be anyone that they are attracted to or vice versa, or fear of being unable to find any sort of common ground. These fears can certainly make for awkward and uncomfortable interactions, she says.
Despite the effectiveness of speed dating, many do not have the free time to spare to go out to attend an event, and there's the added concern about having to make an effort to look attractive for the date, which can be time-consuming. "Many males feel it is too much effort to attend an event," Chia adds. Another problem that many dread is the off chance of bumping into an ex or a colleague, which could cause extreme awkwardness.
If both parties give it the thumbs up, they can speak again at the end to arrange to meet up. This facilitates real time meetings instead of swiping and texting. It is efficient, time-friendly and convenientJacqueline Chia, co-founder of matchmaking service Meet Mozaic
But Chia suggests that conventional speed dating should keep up with the times to make it more effective and less challenging or intimidating, even to the most introverted and private individuals.
She says the idea of "speed dating from home" has given mainstream speed dating another competitive edge: privacy.
The concept of setting up speed dating via a video link is gaining popularity across the global dating landscape. It combines the best of both speed dating and online dating. It takes away the pressure and awkwardness of meeting a stranger, while allowing a degree of "face-to-face" communication from a safe distance.
"This format allows you to meet eight to 10 people for three-to-five-minute 'dates' in the comfort of your home. If both parties give it the thumbs up, they can speak again at the end to arrange to meet up. This facilitates real-time meetings instead of swiping and texting. It is efficient, time-friendly and convenient," explains Chia.
This option gives people an easy way to meet many prospective matches in a more familiar environment. You would probably spend more time texting one Tinder match than meeting 10 matches with this format.
"Once your three-minute date is finished, you are not required to interact with that person unless you wish to. You get the personal interaction over video, you can see the person and figure out if there is a shared attraction or not. There is no need for endless texting before you meet the person, like other platforms," Chia adds.
Meanwhile, Carol DeCandido, another co-founder of Meet Mozaic, offers some pointers on how to suss out if someone is a match in the few minutes that speed dating takes.
"You have to ask yourself if you feel comfortable chatting with them, or do they make you laugh besides the initial physical attraction, or does the conversation flow well?" DeCandido says.
Even if you have ticked all those boxes, the feelings have to be mutual. "You also need to see if the person has shown any interest in you while equally important is whether you feel curious enough to learn more about them," DeCandido adds.
And as weird as it may sound, a growing body of research has suggested that marriages and relationships that are started through online dating are happier than couples who met in conventional dating.
Speed dating in person or from home both give hope to those who have a limited dating market or who have little or no time to meet people outside their usual social circles. With these positive statistics in mind, maybe it's not such a bad idea to give it a go.
How to better prepare for speed dating
1. Have a list of questions or opening lines to initiate conversation
2. Try to cultivate some humour during the date to lighten the mood
3. Make sure to spend as much time listening you do speaking
4. Be friendly; smiling goes a long way to make the other person feel comfortable
5. Manage your expectations
Luisa Tam is a correspondent at the Post
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