Despite injuries on his forearm and fingers, two-time Olympian Pan Yufei managed to claim men's lead victory at the national Championships, gaining himself the inner strength after years of struggles against self-doubt.
by sportswriters Yue Wenwan, Wang Qin'ou and Wang Meng
WUHAN, Sept. 27 (Xinhua) -- At 24, two-time Olympian Pan Yufei has scaled his way to numerous climbing titles in China. Yet, it has been a long time since he felt the kind of sharp pain that comes from pushing his body to the extreme - until recently.
UNEXPECTED CHALLENGE
During the men's lead final of the 31st National Climbing Championship held last Sunday in Wuhan, central China, spectators familiar with Pan may have noticed something unusual - his climbing was not as smooth as usual.
His right arm was bandaged, and his upper body movements lacked their typical strength. As he neared the final hold, a leap that would normally be routine for him went awry - he missed and fell. Despite the setback, Pan still managed to win the competition.
"I've been training really hard these days, and during the semifinals this morning, I strained my muscle. By the final, the pain got even worse, and my right hand became feeble," said the champion afterward.
"These two - my index and middle fingers - hurt whenever I try to grip. By the end, I could barely hold on," Pan noted while pointing to his fingers.
For climbers, forearms and fingers are critical, serving as both their engine and lifeline. When these parts are in pain, pushing forward requires immense mental strength to overcome the instinct to protect oneself.
"I've had injuries before, but they only occasionally happened to my knee or back - nothing like this with my forearm and fingers. It's been a while since I've dealt with this level of pain," Pan explained.
After the preliminaries, Pan's coach and team doctor strongly advised him to withdraw to avoid worsening the injury. However, Pan could not bring himself to step aside.
"I just couldn't accept quitting," he said. "I know I've got bigger international competitions coming up, and I don't really need another national title to prove myself. But if I were to withdraw, I would feel like a deserter. I come here to compete, and I have to see it through."
Pan's determination mirrored the grit of Slovenia's Olympic gold medalist Janja Garnbret, who triumphed in Paris despite a serious finger injury. Garnbret feared her finger was broken during the competition. She broke down in tears during a break but wiped them away to claim the gold.
"I said to myself, 'I don't care if I'm missing a hand or a finger, I will go out there and climb the route!'" Garnbret said.
BATTLE WITH SELF-DOUBT
For Pan, this victory was more than just another title. It represented overcoming an inner battle that he has been wrestling with for some time.
"If my physical condition continues to worsen, I might have to give up the next Climbing World Cup. But still, I'm very glad for my persistence in the final," he said.
Despite dominating China's climbing scene for nearly eight years, Pan is often harshly self-critical.
Known for overthinking, even after achieving great results, Pan said, "I reflect a lot - sometimes too much. Even when I win, I focus on what I did wrong or where I fell short compared to others."
Pan has spoken openly about his struggles with self-confidence, particularly on the international stage. "I often feel uncertain about my abilities in international competitions. I never know how well I'll perform, and there's always a feeling that I'm not good enough."
Even at home, where he regularly wins, Pan cannot find inner peace. "Yes, I win titles, but other Chinese climbers have stronger skills in some aspects, which arouses my self-doubt. Confidence is definitely my biggest challenge."
This "internal friction," as Pan calls it, might stem from his desire to reach higher levels. During the Paris Olympic cycle, Pan faced fluctuating results. In his late teens, he reached World Cup podiums, but by 2022, he faced repeated early exits from international competitions, leading to a period of frustration and disconnection from the sport.
"But seeing others improve, especially younger climbers, reignited my determination. It made me think, maybe I can still get better."
SOLO JOURNEY
In 2023, Pan made a bold decision: he left China to train solo in Europe, a first in his career. This phase brought new challenges, both on and off the climbing wall.
"All of a sudden, I had to make every decision myself - where to go, which competitions to enter, who to train with, and even managing visas," Pan said. Most of the time, it was just him and a coach from China. "I couldn't just be a passive athlete anymore, waiting for someone to train me. I had to collaborate with foreign coaches and figure out my own training plans."
The logistics were also challenging. Pan had to negotiate training times with athletes from other countries, and his training venues were no longer fixed. Visa issues occasionally caused him to miss competitions.
"I felt more like a team manager than just an athlete, constantly dealing with unexpected problems. Keeping my focus on training while handling everything else was really tough," Pan noted.
Despite these difficulties, Pan does not regret his choice. "Training was definitely easier before, but it's been an incredibly valuable experience, helping me stay calm when facing unexpected challenges. I think it made me a much more mature person."
Pan added that, while he still cannot fully enjoy the act of climbing in competitions, his time abroad has made him mentally stronger. "I used to get frustrated easily, but now I've learned to stay calm. Even when I make mistakes, I don't criticize myself harshly anymore."
A RISKY LEAP
During the national championship final, Pan made a risky move that many might consider unwise.
At a point where he could have secured his left foot to stabilize himself before reaching for the next hold, he chose to leap. His left hand slipped, placing all the pressure on his injured right hand.
"I had to grip with my right hand to save myself, or I would have fallen," Pan recalled. "It hurt, but I didn't feel it that much at the moment because I was focused on staying on the wall."
"I hadn't felt like myself in a long time," Pan explained his risky decision afterward. "I've been too tense, too cautious, always worried about making mistakes or falling short. When I got injured before the final, I just wanted to find myself again. I realized I needed to let go of all those unnecessary fears."
Reflecting on the experience, Pan said, "It was a sudden shift in my mindset - the scary part isn't about losing but about fear."
For the young champion, this new perspective might be the key to unlocking even greater heights in the future. ■