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High-profile abuse victim criticized in China for forgiving ex-husband

Inkstone

發布於 2019年12月06日13:12

American teacher Kim Lee has been hailed as a role model for domestic violence victims in China since 2011, when she initiated divorce proceedings against her celebrity husband in a landmark case that made legal history.

But Lee's status as a voice for abused women came under attack last week, when she said she had forgiven her ex-husband.

"My (ex) husband is a flawed person. His violent acts are beyond doubt, illegal and wrong," she wrote in a long post in Chinese on the Twitter-like Weibo on Thanksgiving.

"But he is also the one who smiled like a child while feeding goldfish… more importantly, he is the father of my three lovely daughters."

Kim Lee shared her story of domestic violence with the Chinese public in 2011.
Kim Lee shared her story of domestic violence with the Chinese public in 2011.

The post has gone viral and shocked internet users who had long regarded Lee as a beacon in the country's campaign against domestic violence. Some say she is now setting a bad example for Chinese women struggling to get away from their violent partners.

Excerpts from Kim Lee's Weibo post I will love my (ex) husband forever. Domestic violence is wrong and intolerable. The two things are both facts, even though they look contradictory. Why? Because of forgiveness. We can forgive someone, but also refuse to accept their wrong acts or find excuses for them…"Forgiveness" is a very personal and difficult decision. Only by making this decision themselves at a time believed to be appropriate can victims truly recover. The shallow calls of "please forgive and forget about it," "everyone makes mistakes" or "your husband is a good person, you should forgive him" would only do more serious harm to victims. No one can forget being assaulted by their loved ones. Good people would not attack their partners or children. Domestic violence is not a "mistake" but illegal acts that are devastating and malicious.

Intimate partner violence hit the headlines in China again last week, when famed beauty blogger Yuya shared a video showing how she was abused by her then-boyfriend. The man eventually received a punishment of 20 days in detention.

Kim Lee's case against her celebrity husband raised awareness of domestic violence in China.
Kim Lee's case against her celebrity husband raised awareness of domestic violence in China.

Lu Pin, a New York-based feminist activist, said given the difficulty of engaging in civic activism in China, many people had hoped that high-profile cases like Lee's could result in changes in law enforcement.

"We are all obsessed with having perfect victims," Lu said during an online discussion with hundreds of feminists and supporters on Thursday. "But violence is caused by the institutional failure to punish offenders, not by victims being too weak."

"Perfect victim" refers to the narrative that victims of crimes need to behave perfectly in order to receive sympathy from the wider society.

Following Lee's post, her critics say they are disappointed by what they see as Lee's failure to stand up to a perpetrator of violence.

"Domestic abuse cannot be tolerated. If there's the first time, there will be a second time," said the most liked comment under her post.

"Do you know this will mislead many other domestic abuse victims and hold them back?" another internet user wrote. "Your being weak is your own problem. Not everyone should be like you. Abusers do not deserve to be forgiven."

Li Yang is a household name in China known for his language learning program 'Crazy English.'
Li Yang is a household name in China known for his language learning program 'Crazy English.'

In 2011, Lee set off a national discussion about domestic abuse after she posted photos of injuries caused by her then-husband Li Yang, the famous founder of the "Crazy English" language program. She filed for divorce later that year.

"Crazy English" was a national sensation in mid-2000s and gained fame for its unique approach to learning the language, which involves a lot of yelling.

In 2013, a Chinese court granted Lee full custody of her three children and ordered Li to pay her nearly $2 million in child support and compensation. Outside of the court, activists showed their support in "blood-stained" wedding gowns.

After that, Lee moved back to the US while continuing to be a vocal supporter of women's rights on Chinese social media.

Awareness of women's rights has risen since Lee's divorce six years ago, but domestic abuse remains a rampant problem in a society that has long viewed physical assault within families as a private family matter.

In March 2016, three years after Lee's divorce, China passed its first Anti-Domestic Violence Law, which provided a legal basis for punishing violent offenders.

Activists demonstrated against domestic violence in 'blood-stained' wedding gowns in Beijing in 2012.
Activists demonstrated against domestic violence in 'blood-stained' wedding gowns in Beijing in 2012.

But activists say the law is not strictly implemented. In many cases, police still view domestic violence as a marital dispute to be solved through arbitration.

Lin Shuang, a volunteer who had assisted Lee during her divorce proceedings, said the criticism of Lee reflected a lack of knowledge of the problems faced by domestic abuse survivors.

"Love, hate and disappointment co-exist in domestic abuse cases," Lin said. "If we ask all victims to be perfect, there would be no one we could help."

In a Weibo post on Wednesday, Lee's ex-husband Li Yang thanked his ex-wife for forgiving him. He also apologized to the public and called on parents to "stay calm" while handling family conflicts.

Copyright (c) 2019. South China Morning Post Publishers Ltd. All rights reserved.

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